Sweet Moments and Treasured Tradgedies

These are my thoughts, feelings, discoveries, and hidden desires about this life. All dealing with me being a submissive wife and a mother of 2 childeren, one being autistic.

Name:
Location: Wisconsin

I am a 25 year strong willed, loving, caring, opinionated submissive woman. I have 2 children and a loving husband.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Sub sandwhiches and Pink Lemonade

Heh. The last few days have been so interesting.
Starting with Saturday....
it was my older cousins 35th wedding annaversary, and they had a party at thier house. So off we go, our family of 3 soon to be 4. Let me just put this into a picture where you can possibly understand from Zach's point of view.... in his world, things often seem hostile and I don't think people quite understand that. ... so here goes:
o.O.o.O( Ohh yayy we are going bye bye... I wonder where mom and dad will take me....driving ...(I like being in the car and looking out the window.... Oooo I know this place, grandma and grandpa cheryl's house... wait... what''s going on... *panick* ... why are there so many people and gosh is it soo hot.... *frustration* why aren't they listening to me.... I don't wanna be with all these people, and who are these kids. Kids scare me, I don't understand them... why is that boy touching me? Ohhh an older kid, I like them..... *talks (babbles)* hmmm He must not of understood me, He's signing, but I don't know a lot of those yet. I'm tired and why is that lady picking me up.... leave me alone.... where's my dad and mom... oh there they are.... are these lights bright in here, what are all those strange smells, why is everyone being so dang loud, who are these people touching me again *anger and frustration again... even more* I just wanna go home, I wish they would listen....o.O.o.O

We stayed 2 hours....in that 2 hours Zach had only 2 very minor tantrums.... but watching him try to interact with the 5 year old lil' boy was heartbreaking, the lil' boy couldn't understand why Zach wouldn't play tag back, and Zach didn't understand why this boy wouldn't continue to chase him.

Sunday,
I decided to take Zach to the lil' water fountain park that we have here down by the lake at the harbor. It's very cute, statuesque animals in different positions shooting water out of thier mouths. I asked my mom to join us since my husband was staying home. We get hot dogs and juice, but Zach of course won't eat the corn dog I got him *laughs*. He was so cute playing in the water...since it is water filtered from Lake Michigan it's FREEZING, but it was like 85 outside, so I figured no big deal. *laughs* poor kid had blue lips, but he did not care. He would run and go and splash in this one specific fountain and then run back to grandma, where she would wrap him up in one of his dad's huge sweatshirts that got left in the car (*laughs* I forgot the towels). He would shiver away in her arms till he got warm and then would go back out. He had a blast and was Sooooo good leaving.... I gave him a good enough warning and he wore himself out enough, that he even turned around and *waved and said "BYE BYE"* to the water park.

Monday,
Today was a day of a lot of introspection....I did some household chores.... basically lazied around. As I did that I thought about the new baby and how excited I am that she will be here, I worried about Zach and his upcoming new adventure into school. I though about what I wanted for myself after lil' Jaydin comes... I thought about what I wanted for my husband and our relationship. I thought about my dear friend who lives what seems like a million miles away, but is so close to my heart I am with them whenever I close my eyes.

Today,
Subway and Pink Lemonade... it's like 90 degrees outside, I'm tired and apparently a lil' crabby. My husband has been very lax lately about what I've been eating, not gripping or giving me "the look". In the beginning of my pregnancy he was very observant and made sure to let me know that "that doesn't need salt." I think he decided to lay off about it when he thought I was being more consious on my own, but I miss that lil' extra support and guidance from him. I am looking into support for exersise and food control after I have this lil' one, because I want to loose a signifigant amount of weight. The great excitment of my life and day... ZACHARY COUNTED TO "6" .... that's right SIX. For a kid who is non-verbal most of the time he never ceases to amaze me... specially when it comes outta no where.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Life's lil' crazieness

Hey All,

Sorry I haven't written in a few days, it has been quite the crazieness around here. They moved up Zach's evaluation with the pediatric psycologist up to Next Wed. the 8th, which is nice. It is before his birthday party, so I'm glad to get it over with. We have an OBGYN appointment that day also to go over labor and delivery options, so it will be a busy day. Zach's birthday party is that Saturday on the 11th.... then my friends are throwing me a baby shower the next day on the 12th. We have my cousins annaversary party this Saturday the 4th...35 years. Ohh not to mention that Chris and I are still finishing off the nursery and getting the house ready for Jaydin to get here *laughs*. Yes Crazieness ensues.

I have been an emotional wreck lately. Up and down and all over the place. I know some of it's pregnancy hormones, but because I am a person who suffers from anxiety anyways... all this other stress added on is literally making me insane. My poor husband. He puts up with me quite well though. I've been doing nothing but running around frantic about everything we need to get done and He just looks at me gently and says... yes hun, it will get done. I feel awful for him having to deal with the emotions and the psychoness. I suppose if He didn't love me though He wouldn't would He??? Anyways... enough ramblings for now.... more to come later.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

To sleep or not to sleep....

Today has been a LONG day already and it's only 12:30 in the afternoon. Zach decided to wake up and not go back to sleep. Then because of being abnormally huge due to the sweet lil' girl growing inside me I could not go back to sleep once the 3 year old did. My husband is wonderful and helped some, but I didn't sleep long. More to come later when I am awake